Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Store Ad Says Easter Celebrating Christ's Birth

I wonder what they think Christmas celebrates? LOL

A supermarket chain got itself into a huge muddle over the meaning of Easter yesterday in its attempt to sell more chocolate eggs.

“Brits are set to spend a massive £520 million on Easter eggs this year — but many young people don’t even know what Easter’s all about,” said the press release from Somerfield after a survey.

It then went on to claim that the tradition of giving Easter eggs was to celebrate the “birth” of Christ. An amended version changed this to the “rebirth” of Christ. Finally a third press release accepted Church teaching that Easter celebrated the resurrection of Christ.

Tacoma Bills Military For Anti-War Protest Costs

It'd be cheaper for the military just to shoot the stupid bastards next time. In a perfect world, Tacoma would be told either 1) bill the idiots (the protesters and their organizers, probably ANSWER, code pink, etc.) whose presence cost you the money, or 2) let them do what they want the next time so they end up in military courts and military prisons.

Tacoma police say last month's 12-day anti-war protests cost the city an unbudgeted $500,000 to provide a large-scale law enforcement presence.

The rough estimate covers overtime, regular compensation, equipment and food for hundreds of workers from Tacoma police and other agencies, Assistant Chief Bob Sheehan said.
The city plans to ask the Port of Tacoma and the military to cover some of the costs.

"That's a tremendous hit on our budget -- a half-million dollars of unexpected expense," said Tacoma Mayor Bill Baarsma, adding that the military would get the first invoice."I think our request is justifiable," Baarsma said. "I would expect that we would be reimbursed. I would be surprised if we weren't."

Naming Your Baby Metallica Not Allowed In Sweden

Other band-based baby names"
Nirvana (if it's a girl, it'll mark her as 'easy')
Iron Maiden (more interesting songs than Metallica, but not as good as a baby name)
Cream (dooms baby to sexual innuendo jokes for life, but gives you the option to name a sibling Coffee)
Jethro Tull (I know, I know. It's already been done)



STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Metallica may be a cool name for a heavy metal band, but a Swedish couple is struggling to convince officials it is also suitable for a baby girl.

Michael and Karolina Tomaro are locked in a court battle with Swedish authorities, which rejected their application to name their six-month-old child after the legendary rock band.

"It suits her," Karolina Tomaro, 27, said Tuesday of the name. "She's decisive and she knows what she wants."

Although little Metallica has already been baptized, the Swedish National Tax Board refused to register the name, saying it was associated with both the rock group and the word "metal."
Tomaro said the official handling the case also called the name "ugly."

The couple was backed by the County Administrative Court in Goteborg, which ruled on March 13 that there was no reason to block the name. It also noted that there already is a woman in Sweden with Metallica as a middle name.

The tax agency appealed to a higher court, frustrating the family's foreign travel plans.
"We've had to cancel trips and can't get anywhere because we can't get her a passport without an approved name," Tomaro said.

More Rosie Doubters.... the Fiends!!!!

Jonah Goldberg on Rosie's latest conspiracy theories

You may be unfamiliar with such psych-ward stylings [Jonah had just reprinted some of her "free verse text message poetry,"] but I get e-mail written like this all the time. Perhaps if you believe the jackbooted thugs are at your door, it’s reasonable to think you don’t have time to spell out your words.

...For the record, fire can melt steel, and buildings also collapse when heat weakens steel. But that misses the point. The point is we shouldn’t have to argue with crazy people.
Regardless, it appears that not even the heat of ridicule can weaken O’Donnell’s steely resolve to make an idiot of herself.

You know what? That’s fine. Normally we expect such outbursts from the poor souls who rage against unseen threats at bus stations and public libraries. But even the rich and famous have a right to mutter inanities, shout non sequiturs or shriek possum recipes.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Keith Richards Snorted His Father's Ashes

Stones guitarist mixed remains with cocaine — ‘it went down pretty well’

“The strangest thing I’ve tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father,” Richards was quoted as saying by British music magazine NME.

“He was cremated, and I couldn’t resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn’t have cared,” he said, adding that “it went down pretty well, and I’m still alive.”
Richards’ father, Bert, died in 2002, at 84.

Richards, one of rock’s legendary wild men, told the magazine that his survival was the result of luck, and advised young musicians against trying to emulate him.

“I was No. 1 on the ‘who’s likely to die’ list for 10 years. I mean, I was really disappointed when I fell off the list,” Richards said.


BBQ Tax: To Help Fight Global Warming

This might be a parody story, but I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't stay fictitious for long. They can stab two hated activities at once here; using fuel and eating animals.

Belgium to impose tax on barbequing to fight global warming
12:27 03/ 04/ 2007

BRUSSELS, April 3 (RIA Novosti) -
The government of Belgium's French-speaking region of Wallonia, which has a population of about 4 million, has approved a tax on barbequing, local media reported. Experts said that between 50 and 100 grams of CO2, a so-called greenhouse gas, is emitted during barbequing. Beginning June 2007, residents of Wallonia will have to pay 20 euros for a grilling session.

The local authorities plan to monitor compliance with the new tax legislation from helicopters, whose thermal sensors will detect burning grills. Scientists believe CO2 emissions are a major cause of global warming. [HERE ENDS THE STORY]



If the "GW Crowd" have their way, this would be just the beginning. I'd already made up a list of 'ridiculous' measures to take to prevent Global Warming, and this story gave me a good reason to list some of them.

1. Mileage Taxes if you go over a mandated number of miles per week or per trip. It will be fun "saving up miles" to go and visit your grandparents.

2. Meat Tax. Bovine flatulance is killing the earth. But more tractors plowing more fields for vegetarians won't be a problem.

3. Product Distance Tax. Every product will be taxed on the distance it travels from production to consumer... transportation is killing the environment.

4. Odometer Reporting Service. The ORS will become as hated as the IRS, as citizens will have to report how far they've driven their cars. (same as Mileage Tax above, but I just thought of the ORS idea and am too lazy to rewrite that entry).

5. Internet Usage Tax. Yes, sending emails takes energy, which is mostly provided by coal power plants in the US. And sending attachments takes more energy than text only emails. I heard a while back that to send a 2Mb attachment in 2001 or 2002 took a pint of gasoline, but I haven't found that information again. Don't consider this to be accurate until I've dug up that old article. But the important thing is... how much energy could we save by limiting citizen's internet usage? "Net Neutrality" be damned.... the Internet Usage Tax is what will kill the internet (or at least kill people's ability to use it as much as they want to).

And on down the road....
6. Each car trip must have a "Driving Plan" filed with a government agency stating reason for trip, estimated time of departure and return, and the expected route. If you stray from the shortest route and get caught, you'll be in big trouble for emitting too much "carbon" into the air.

Monday, April 2, 2007

Top Ten April Fool's Day Pranks

From BreitBart.com, a list of the top ten hoaxes as listed by the Museum of Hoaxes in San Diego (The best hoax is the fact that the San Diego hoax museum is actually in San Mateo ;-)

From television revealing that spaghetti grows on trees to advertisements for the left-handed burger, the tradition of April Fool's Day stories in the media has a weird and wonderful history.
Here are 10 of the top April Fool's Day pranks ever pulled off, as judged by the San Diego-based Museum of Hoaxes for their notoriety, absurdity, and number of people duped.
-- In 1957, a BBC television show announced that thanks to a mild winter and the virtual elimination of the spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. Footage of Swiss farmers pulling strands of spaghetti from trees prompted a barrage of calls from people wanting to know how to grow their own spaghetti at home.
-- In 1985, Sports Illustrated magazine published a story that a rookie baseball pitcher who could reportedly throw a ball at 270 kilometers per hour (168 miles per hour) was set to join the New York Mets. Finch was said to have mastered his skill -- pitching significantly faster than anyone else has ever managed -- in a Tibetan monastery. Mets fans' celebrations were short-lived.
-- Sweden in 1962 had only one television channel, which broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, viewers could convert their existing sets to receive color pictures by pulling a nylon stocking over the screen. In fact, they had to wait until 1970.
-- In 1996, American fast-food chain Taco Bell announced that it had bought Philadelphia's Liberty Bell, a historic symbol of American independence, from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell.
Outraged citizens called to express their anger before Taco Bell revealed the hoax. Then-White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale and said the Lincoln Memorial in Washington had also been sold and was to be renamed the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial after the automotive giant.
-- In 1977, British newspaper The Guardian published a seven-page supplement for the 10th anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semicolon-shaped islands. A series of articles described the geography and culture of the two main islands, named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse.
-- In 1992, US National Public Radio announced that Richard Nixon was running for president again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." They even had clips of Nixon announcing his candidacy. Listeners flooded the show with calls expressing their outrage. Nixon's voice actually turned out to be that of impersonator Rich Little.
-- In 1998, a newsletter titled New Mexicans for Science and Reason carried an article that the state of Alabama had voted to change the value of pi from 3.14159 to the "Biblical value" of 3.0.
-- Burger King, another American fast-food chain, published a full-page advertisement in USA Today in 1998 announcing the introduction of the "Left-Handed Whopper," specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new burger included the same ingredients as the original, but the condiments were rotated 180 degrees. The chain said it received thousands of requests for the new burger, as well as orders for the original "right-handed" version.
-- Discover Magazine announced in 1995 that a highly respected biologist, Aprile Pazzo (Italian for April Fool), had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. The creatures were described as having bony plates on their heads that became burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speed -- a technique they used to hunt penguins.
-- Noted British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on the radio in 1976 that at 9:47 am, a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event, in which Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, would cause a gravitational alignment that would reduce the Earth's gravity. Moore told listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment of the planetary alignment, they would experience a floating sensation. Hundreds of people called in to report feeling the sensation.

UK Police Go After 11-yr-old Boy For Calling Classmate Gay

Police send four police officers after boy, 11, who called schoolmate 'gay'

The boy says he used "gay" as a synonym for "stupid," which is the new slang.
Who knows if that's the truth or not... be either way, sending four bobbies after an 11-year-old? That was meant to send a message to remind everyone else not to commit such thoughtcrimes. Of course, regular old crimes are perfectly fine. The boy's father:
"I've constantly contacted police about break-ins at my business and never get a suitable response.

"George was really upset, he thought he was going to be locked up. This just seemed like a huge waste of resources for something so trivial."


By LIZ HULL - Last updated at 10:44am on 2nd April 2007

When two policemen turned up unannounced at Alan Rawlinson's home asking to speak to his young son, the company director feared something serious had happened.

So he was astounded when the officers detailed 11-year-old George's apparent crime - calling one of his schoolfriends 'gay'.

They said primary school pupil, George, was being investigated for a 'very serious' homophobic crime after using the comment in an e-mail to a 10-year-old classmate.

National Review Online's Jonah Goldberg says, "Maybe if the [Iranian] hostage takers could be tricked into calling Blair gay, we might see some action?"

English Teachers Drop the Holocaust To Avoid Offending Muslims

This is lunacy, and it doesn't bode well for the future of Western civilization
in the United Kingdom.

Schools are dropping the Holocaust from history lessons to avoid offending Muslim pupils, a Governmentbacked study has revealed.

It found some teachers are reluctant to cover the atrocity for fear of upsetting students whose beliefs include Holocaust denial.

Read more

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Rosie O'Donnell's Insight Leads to Hundreds of Steel Execs Being Charged With Fraud

Sources: Hundreds to be Arrested in Steel Industry Fraud

New York (Rooters) --
Rooters has learned that hundreds of steel company executives will be indicted in what sources at both the US Justice Department and the SEC say may be one of the biggest acts of business fraud in US history.According to the sources, authorities, acting on a tip from renowned metallurgical expert Rosie O'Donnell, discovered that fire could not melt steel.

"Who knew," asked one SEC official who requested anonymity. "Without Rosie O'Donnell's keen insight, who knows how long this fraud would have gone on," commented another official."

These lousy bastards in the steel industry from Carnegie on down have perpetrated a fraud on the investing public and the world on a scale unseen in the history of human civilization," said the official.